In love with him.but there's another girl in his life...her name is Daughter.

You've met a nice gentleman, you're interested in him but...
"Daddy, where are you?  Daddy, I need you".

I'm a children's person, so the amount of patience and sensitivity I have for such scenarios is on another level.

. But there are females who aren't sensitive towards this situation...you know...
"his family looks at me different because I didn't give him a child"
"I feel excluded"
"he's always choosing her over me, he doesn't see me"
"she doesn't like me".
Of course she doesn't like you.  I'm 20 and still possessive of my dad.  yeeeyi, I'll kill a girl over my dad.


 We could give all the advice in the world but it helps nothing if you as a female aren't willing to show sensitivity and understanding. Nothing drives me to the wall more than females who jump into a relationship knowing, then turn around and suddenly find faults.

 You knew he had an extra/additional blessing with him. And don't refer to his child as "baggage".

I don't understand men who let other women refer to their children as "baggage".
 I don't understand women who allow men to call their own children "baggage".
It just doesn't sound right.
You make it sound like your child is a burden and shouldn't be here. I
call it extra/additional blessing.

 Anyway, the point is, don't jump in if you aren't willing to come second in some circumstances, if not most.  Don't jump in if you want him to always have time, don't do it.

My half sister was born before my parents met, and we came after. I can't say I understand how it must have felt for my mother to accept the situation but what I can tell you is that she's a great example for me, on how to love unconditionally, if I ever found myself in the same situation. She loves our sister unconditionally and growing up we were never taught to yell out "half sister". She was our sister- end of story.  If you cannot handle a man with children or can't understand why he does some of the things he does then turn away and admire that man from far. Do not compete with his daughter! She's a girl, just like you, the last thing she needs growing up is a woman in her life who competes for her dad's attention, instead of being there for her. Don't compete or try to replace her mother, that's such a low blow. Don't try to act like her mother.  just do the best you can as a female.

Love isn't enough if there is no understanding involved between you and the dad .If you do decide to love this man with additional blessings then have understanding.

Don't rush to meet his child/children.
Don't take it personal if he doesn't want you to meet them yet.

Children are sensitive, remember things and are easily affected by what they see.

Don't force him, don't bring it up, he knows his child, he knows how to condition his baby into a new situation.

Relax, love him and be patient with him.

And to all those women who openly brag that they'd never be with a man who already has a child....Remember, fertility isn't promised.  Fertility isn't definite. You don't really know what's going on in your womb...

I am not crazy. I did not lose you. You were crazy to lose me. PART 3

..So I gave in and decided to call him... (screams). Stupid, right?

 But when you're emotionally attached you don't think of these things!

 "Tring Tring" he answered. The conversation seemed okay.  I told him I was home safe and he was glad. I asked him where he was and he told me he was at the garage on the R59...which struck me as strange, considering how long I took to get home and call him.

what did they do?  What did she do with my man?  I told him I'm still upset with what he did and he said "I'm still mad too".....

*crickets* ...

he's mad?  at what?  So first I'm embarrassing him, now he's mad? Can this nigga not own up? I try to explain myself and I couldn't finish because he started yelling, about how I'm "trying to control his life and he hates it." Immediately after that he hung up on my ear...I called him back but he put me on reject.

 Lol...I can't explain what I felt at that moment. He's never had the guts to tell me I'm controlling. Why does it suddenly come out TODAY?? So the clock struck 8 and he still had not said a word.

 I know I shouldn't have but I called him.  I called him 3 times and of those 3 times he hung up on my ear twice. Talk about the most demeaning conversation.  In those conversations, I heard the following...

 "incase you didn't see, I kissed her"
"you're insecure"
 "your behaviour is out of order"
 "I have nothing else to say to you"
"we've spoken enough" .

With each of those words, he broke my heart and my confidence.  He hit it down brick by brick. I felt unworthy of his love. I repeat, I felt unworthy of HIS love.  (chuckles). I went to bed and fell into deep sleep. I literally fell fast asleep. I WAS convinced I wasn't going to wake up, my heart was so badly damaged I found it to be a massive miracle I made it up  alive.  I asked God "how did I make it up alive?" Look it's easy to say "but he's just a boy". What's not easy to understand is the damage and effect such hortible words can have, especially from the one person you least expected them from. Anyway so I'm up and there was still no word from him. I figured he'd still be asleep.  
I went to church as I always do. Nobody could pick up that something was wrong with me, which was fine, because I didn't want questions about  "what's wrong, is it guy issues? Do you need a shoulder?" you know, because that was going to cause me to have a breakdown. Immediately after church, I went straight home, I just couldn't face anyone. Was I really bad behaved? He kissed her in front of me? Those words kept playing like a recorder in my head. As I entered the house, I couldn't belive how emotionally unstable I was at that point...
my parents were feeling romantic so they thought shopping together would do them good. They left me home alone.. good for them but not much of a good idea...I was just too emotionally unstable. I was left home alone, I was thinking a lot...I couldnt handle it anymore.

 What I did to myself still shocks me even now....when words can cause physical damage...

find out what happened to me on PART 4.

 To be continued....

So...you're a lady, huh?

"I'm a lady, you can't expect me to run for the bus, it's embarrassing. What will people think? "

"I'm a lady, I can't leave the house without make up on.

" I'm a lady, it's important for me to show this by having straight long hair which goes down my back".

We've heard them all, right. I find it interesting that the term "lady" is now being thrown as recklessly as the word "love". You see a female half naked on stage, with vulgar dance moves, spreading her legs then is referred to as "the hottest lady who respects herself".

Even worse, we praise them and call them queens!!!

I must be missing something...when did the definition of "lady" become "anyone who looks good, dresses skimpy, advertises sex". Look, being a porn star is one thing but being a female who claims to have self respect, then turn around and contradict yourself is another. The another thing, hold up.  When did being a lady mean "I'm high maintenance and will only date guys with money".?

I swear more than half of the "regulars" at a club are the ones screaming out "I'm a lady" wait for It wait for it, "I'm a lady with class bubu, you can't handle this". You can't even handle yourself. Soon as he opens his wallet, you open your legs. That's being a lady?

Wow. Well...If that's what it takes to be a lady, if that's what it means to be a lady, then no, I'm not a lady. I'm a female who believes in self respect, politeness, manners, generosity, prayer and humility. No, I don't "Mac up" everyday, I don't need to. No, it's not everyday you'll see me in a weave, I don't need it to prove myself, financial situation, personality or level of intellect.  I don't need to call other women "skinny bitches or fat pigs" to make myself feel good about my appearance.

I'm never embarrassed about falling down and making mistakes. I laugh at myself, get up and move on. If I have to run for that bus, honey I will go full force. Ain't got time to worry about which boy is looking at me. If that doesn't make me a lady...then I proudly will admit to not being one. 

I am not crazy. I did not lose you. You were crazy to lose me. PART 2

Continued....

 Here I am walking to Delilah...no questions asked, I grabbed her by the arm and dragged her to a more private setting. A part of her looked scared, a part of her looked nonchalant.

I calmed myself down, became dignified and had that "sister soul, woman to woman, black sister support" talk with her. I mean it's not like Delilah is a complete stranger.

So I brought it up " Look, I know what you went through with your baby daddy. You know how bad it was for you to handle him doing as he pleases in your life.  If there's one thing you can do for me, as a fellow sister, that's to understand my pain and love for this man".

 I don't know you'd expect her to have some sort of understanding. But the way she looked through me, pierced right into my heart and I knew, I was screwed. This thing was an unashamed hoe. I have never seen so much heartlessness in a female before. Had she really no heart? no respect for herself?  no respect for people's relationships? Was she that desperate to show me she can be the lowest type of female on the pyramid?  

so we finished our "woman to woman" session but what happens next shocked me..We walked away from each other unharmed and as I was walking to my boyfriend, I noticed a change in the way he looked at me. he wasn't the same man who I spoke to an hour ago . He opened his mouth and said "how could you do that? What did you say to her? You're embarrassing me"...

wait wait, did HE just say I AM the one embarrassing HIM?? Then he continued "look at the poor girl, strolling there waiting for me". I was soo confused!  He refused to touch me, wanted nothing from me!!! I walked off to my car and even though I wasn't crying anymore, I was shocked at how hoes get first preference. We can't call any black sisters hoes, I understand, but some sisters choose to earn that title. Why not ask God to help you earn a salary instead of earning titles like "relationship breaker, home wrecker, hoe"??

 I drove off but the pain in my heart was immeasurable..having to watch your man walk off to another girl, watching him protect her, defend her while you're the one he's dating?

Anyway I get home safe and wondered, is it worth it to call him?  or should I give him time to cool off? with tears rolling down my cheeks and my heart sitting on my throat, I wondered what would be best...

 Find out if I gave him time to sort myself or if my heart gave in and called that wicked man...

It's interesting.

 The Afrikaner child goes to an Afrikaans creche or Pre-Primary, then goes to an Afrikaans Primary School and ends off in an Afrikaans Highschool, in most cases, and that does not seem to be a taboo.

Behold,a child of Colour attends a Black Pre-Primary, goes to a Black Primary School and ends off with a Black Highschool but is seen as "not academic enough, not fitting in enough, not cool enough."

Not all Black African or Township Schools are what you believe they are.  Give Black teachers credit where it's due. They also do try their best.

I am not crazy. I did not lose you. You were crazy to lose me. PART 1

Called me crazy,think I lost YOU? You were crazy to lose me.



So the few people who knew about my "private" relationship wanted to know the full story on what had really went down. I was never ready to talk about it because with each word or sentence, I knew tears would run down my face. I am healed, over it and sure as hell not afraid to write about it.

We all know how it goes. You meet a person, the courting phase is amazing, butterflies and eventually a relationship. With each day that comes, you get to know a person.

 I got to know a monster.


 Often,girlfriends are called "crazy" but that's just us.  We don't want our men entertaining other sisters, making us look stupid and everything. (giggles) it's funny because the day that led to our break up revolved around my "craziness". What do you call it when your own boyfriend chooses to embarrass you in front of an alleged "female friend" then switches the story and says you're the one embarrassing him.?

 It was our day together and the last I checked, a day with a girlfriend is JUST THAT! So he comes to see me and I asked him to walk me so I could collect my bag and rest of my belongings in the computer lab.  There she was...I am not too sure where she came from but there she was, the "friend". Let's call her Delilah. What better name to give her because not even Jezebel could fool a man into losing his strength and becoming soo weak. They met an exchanged hugs. Sounds harmless, right?
 Until you realise he walked out of the lab with his arm around her and cut me off.
Delilah asked "Why am I only getting 5 minutes and she's getting your full attention?". It could have been a joke but what I did not find funny is that he couldn't even tell her I'm his girl. From that moment I sensed something was wrong.

so now, him and I are walking to the parking lot and I bring up that I didn't like what he did. Need I say more? Apparently I was trippin'..."This little fuck thinks I'm trippin'" ,I thought to myself...knowing that if roles were switched he'd say "I'm not happy with you".

 we spent our time together down by the river and as it was time to leave, it begins to rain.

While we're driving back to the parking lot, I politely asked him not to go to her as It was unnecessary and they will meet another day, at their own time and not OURS. I just couldn't stand the amount of disrespect both of them had already shown me. Yes, a bit of jealousy too because his attention is supposed to be with me.  He replied " I am just saying goodbye". He was so adamant on saying goodbye to her.  Was I losing my man? He switched his engine off, called her up in front of me (yes, he continued to disrespect me). I broke down into tears and that didn't break him. Out came Delilah from the labs, waiting for him. Waiting for MY man.

 That's when I walked out of his car, banged his door and walked to that tramp. Was I going to talk to her?  stab her? Grab her by her braids and pull them out? Or was I going to keep myself dignified?

 FIND OUT ON PART 2...
TO BE CONTINUED...

You get guys who say "I don't like dark skinned women". THEN you get those who ask and say "Are you mixed? You look mixed."...2 different statements, one massive meaning behind them both. Be careful of guys who try to flatter you with "You look mixed". In some, if not most, cases they are telling you that black African women aren't supposed to look unbelievably beautiful.

You know...when your parents buy you a car...you basically kind of don't really have bragging rights.

I mean after all it is their money .

what confuses me badly is when young girls get cars as gifts from their boyfriends and suddenly think they run the world. Sticking their noses in the air, not recognzing anyone they went to school with, posing as "threats" to other girls. Gee,keep posing as a threat, young lady, we'll see how much of a threat you are when he decides he wants a female he doesn't have to provide for because she came "ready and progressed".
If you bought it, nobody can take it away, except God of course. If it's under your parents' names chances are extremely minute that they will take it or "confiscate your keys".

 What about if it belongs to your guy? Stop developing big heads over the most unpredictable situations. L
Life has interesting ways of humbling you.

Launch

Ambition

presents

Blue Density

with Prudy Blue Potsane