I am not crazy. I did not lose you. You were crazy to lose me. PART 3

..So I gave in and decided to call him... (screams). Stupid, right?

 But when you're emotionally attached you don't think of these things!

 "Tring Tring" he answered. The conversation seemed okay.  I told him I was home safe and he was glad. I asked him where he was and he told me he was at the garage on the R59...which struck me as strange, considering how long I took to get home and call him.

what did they do?  What did she do with my man?  I told him I'm still upset with what he did and he said "I'm still mad too".....

*crickets* ...

he's mad?  at what?  So first I'm embarrassing him, now he's mad? Can this nigga not own up? I try to explain myself and I couldn't finish because he started yelling, about how I'm "trying to control his life and he hates it." Immediately after that he hung up on my ear...I called him back but he put me on reject.

 Lol...I can't explain what I felt at that moment. He's never had the guts to tell me I'm controlling. Why does it suddenly come out TODAY?? So the clock struck 8 and he still had not said a word.

 I know I shouldn't have but I called him.  I called him 3 times and of those 3 times he hung up on my ear twice. Talk about the most demeaning conversation.  In those conversations, I heard the following...

 "incase you didn't see, I kissed her"
"you're insecure"
 "your behaviour is out of order"
 "I have nothing else to say to you"
"we've spoken enough" .

With each of those words, he broke my heart and my confidence.  He hit it down brick by brick. I felt unworthy of his love. I repeat, I felt unworthy of HIS love.  (chuckles). I went to bed and fell into deep sleep. I literally fell fast asleep. I WAS convinced I wasn't going to wake up, my heart was so badly damaged I found it to be a massive miracle I made it up  alive.  I asked God "how did I make it up alive?" Look it's easy to say "but he's just a boy". What's not easy to understand is the damage and effect such hortible words can have, especially from the one person you least expected them from. Anyway so I'm up and there was still no word from him. I figured he'd still be asleep.  
I went to church as I always do. Nobody could pick up that something was wrong with me, which was fine, because I didn't want questions about  "what's wrong, is it guy issues? Do you need a shoulder?" you know, because that was going to cause me to have a breakdown. Immediately after church, I went straight home, I just couldn't face anyone. Was I really bad behaved? He kissed her in front of me? Those words kept playing like a recorder in my head. As I entered the house, I couldn't belive how emotionally unstable I was at that point...
my parents were feeling romantic so they thought shopping together would do them good. They left me home alone.. good for them but not much of a good idea...I was just too emotionally unstable. I was left home alone, I was thinking a lot...I couldnt handle it anymore.

 What I did to myself still shocks me even now....when words can cause physical damage...

find out what happened to me on PART 4.

 To be continued....